Hello, my name is Jemma and I’m a sugar addict.
I have been addicted to sugar since (probably) before I can remember. I have had days where I have had something sugary from the very moment I’m awake until I go to bed. I’ve added to sugar to foods that were already sickly sweet. I’ve added sugary drinks to meals that were savoury just because. I’ve eaten bags of sweets every week of my life. If I didn’t have sweets available I would find another source of sugar to consume. I’ve eaten dry hot chocolate powder, swigged maple syrup from the bottle, eaten spoonfuls of black treacle (that shows real commitment), eaten more vitamins than were necessary (if they were the sweet type), eaten custard powder, spoonfuls of jam, straight sugar from a packet, I’ve even tried sugar on toast. As you can tell- I have a problem with sugar. I find solace and joy in consuming it. Sugar means a lot to me.
Obviously from a psychological perspective I’ve clearly been “eating my feelings” and some people who have never struggled with an *addiction to something may not understand (*I get that its not something as damaging as drugs or alcohol but when I’ve contemplated living without sugary things I feel ridiculously bereft, as if there’re would be no joy in the world or point to anything even though rationally I can see that I could live perfectly well without processed sugar I wholeheartedly don’t want to). I am constructed from cake frosting, cookie dough and cakes I’ve made purely to be able to eat the raw cake batter- even if consuming it made me ill. I have used sugar to commiserate, to celebrate, to console, to prop up, to numb even though I often didn't enjoy it or the after effects. The whole thing is so complex and interwoven with my personality it’s hard to see where those experiences start and I begin. I am sugar.
HOWEVER In April 2021 I decided it was time to stop. It had been a long time coming. I felt controlled by sweets and my compulsion to consume them. And I wanted to be free. I’d often feel terrible after eating them- stomach cramps, mouth ulcers, face sweats (yes, really) headaches, sugar crashes, brain fog, blurry eyes, sugar hangovers… (to say nothing of possible pre diabetes/insulin resistance/associated liver problems)... but none of that stopped me. What did was probably a combination of not wanting to be controlled by something so ridiculous any longer and the fact that from January 2021 I had started doing 10 minutes of yoga a day and building this into more vigorous exercise programme so by April I felt like I had proven to myself that I could decide to do something and stick to it. This gave me the confidence to try giving up sweets. I also was about to rejoin a gym and I didn’t want to be putting in effort at the gym then downing sweets straight after.
And now… nearly 10 months on I can honestly say I have not eaten any sweets since the day I decided to stop. I just don’t want to anymore. I think sometimes when the weariness or disgust or shame or just plain ickiness of how it feels to have let yourself go down that same old path AGAIN plays out, it can be cumulative and you’ve already reached the point where you’ve had enough of seeing that behaviour in yourself. You just needed to act differently to start a new set of habits. I read an interview with Jane Lynch (of High School Musical) and she talked about being visited by "the sober fairy" and being able to stop drinking overnight. I should point out that she had a relapse and was visited twice by “the sober fairy” and I hope I don’t had to go to sugar rehab but just mentioning it for future strength because i know it is not always a straight path.
When I see sweets I don’t think "that's mine" or "that's a source of joy" I think" that's not a choice I want to make any more" and I don't eat them- now- that’s new for me. When my mum comes round with sweets I say- “I don’t eat sweets anymore” and saying it out loud helps me, it affirms who I am now. I should also be clear that I don't mean to demonise any food but for me consuming sweets has limited nutritional benefit and maximum negative impact on my image of myself- so I abstain- but other people can enjoy them without the same association and reliance- I totally understand and I'm not judging. I can now be in the same room as people scoffing sweets and be interested without wanting to engage. I can take sweets for my son as an after school treat and not eat them myself. Sometimes I smell them (!) but I know I don’t really want them, for me there is just always more and more and more- it’s an endless black hole I will never get to the bottom of and really the problem of using sweets as a crutch is the issue. I have been learning when I feel that “I just want a…” feeling - I mostly just need to distract myself and that works because what I am seeking is to change my emotional state and sinking myself in sugar numbs that so I don't have to think about how I'm feeling- I know that now and I am learning to sit with the uncomfortableness more. I choose work or talk to someone instead of turning to sugar- that’s progress for me!
So I’m mentioning this because I know I’m not the only one that sugar addiction effects and although I’m not cured exactly- I have made progress with stopping eating sweets (candy) and I am generally eating less sugar than I have ever done in my life which can only be a good thing. As we all know- in the past, "fat" was touted as the thing we needed to eat less of but sugar turns into fat in the body so we all need to eat less sugar and most of us consume too much, every day even if you are not eating sweets. My ultimate aim is to wean myself off sugar so it does not feature daily in my life- even in fruit. I’d love to see how my body feels without sugar long term and be able to feel the difference it makes both in terms of how I feel and my overall health.
I’d like to talk about this again but for now I thought I’d leave some tips on weaning yourself off sweets if you need them because when I looked online for help with a sweet addiction I just couldn’t find anything that helped me apart from " have a banana" so I sort of devised my own plan to help myself stop eating sweets and for me this meant replacing sweets with other foods that were similar and had quite a high sugar content still but they maybe weren't as processed or came from naturally occurring sugars.
So I had a particular compulsion for jelly/ soft sweets, not exactly just haribo but things like bootlaces, milk bottles, fruit gums, Percy pigs, cola bottles, toffee, fudge, marshmallows etc. I continued to eat chocolate (although I am weaning myself off this now) so this is very niche to sweet eating but I can tell you that it’s changed my life and I know that when I’m ready I’ll be able to reduce my sugar intake further. I believe that being able to give up sweets also gave me the confidence to finally go vegan from January 2022, (I’m lactose intolerant and have reacted badly to dairy for years) I’m nearly 2 months in and still going strong (although I sometimes miss cheese terribly!) Kicking my sweet addiction has allowed me to gain confidence over my ability to control myself in other areas of my life. I not saying I've got this wrapped up because I feel like every day is a new set of choices and I have to resist going down the comfortable previous paths every day but if you have parameters to work within then you will have less to think about and hopefully it will make it a bit easier.
Anyway these are my ideas for things that might work/ things that worked for me if you’re struggling to give up sweets.
If you crave:
Sour/sweets like Tangfastics etc
Try:
Cold Grapefruit
(I always put them in the fridge and cut into 8ths with the skin on and kind of eat them like I'm a barbarian as it makes them more exciting somehow- recommend a napkin under your chin!)
If you crave:
Chewy sweets
Try:
Dried Mango
(But watch out as some of them have added powdered sugar)
If you crave:
Juicy sweets
Try:
Watermelon from the fridge/ juicy oranges/ frozen strawberries/ raspberries
If you crave:
Bootlace type sweets
Try:
Fruit Peelers/ School bars- they are dried fruit but squished into peely shapes like string cheese- this helped me a lot as it is sort of “fun” like sweets. I should point out that I don’t tend to eat these anymore as I am now more aware of things that are similar to sweets/trigger foods- ie mostly just a hit of sugar but I relied on these a lot when I first started and the important thing is they stopped me eating sweets and at least gave me some fibre.
If you crave:
A fruity hit but all need to feel a little bit more full
Try:
High fruit content oat bars- I love the mango ones and still eat these now- I think they are technically meant for kids
If you crave toffee:
Try:
The most delicious dates you can find- I found some at Aldi at Christmas and they were just wonderful.
If you crave chocolate (and are giving it up or just need a bit of sweetness)
Try:
Sweet freedom Hot chocolate syrups. They are vegan and low sugar. (I know you shouldn’t drink your calories as such but if it stops you eating a whole packet of haribo then it’s a win in my book)
I think mixing something with relatively high sugar content and a high fibre or even a protein bar if you can stomach them is a good way to feel a bit fuller and help you transition from eating the empty calories of sweets to more whole foods. I think if you’re transitioning away from eating sweets, whatever gets you through is ok. I did try some sorbets at the start as these were a great substitute (I thought), however the sugar content is so high I just don’t think they are worth it for me any more… but having a raspberry, lemon or mango might really help you if you need something appealing to get you through.
Although this approach (swapping one tyoe of sugar for another) may not seem ideal to some people I am immensely proud that I have managed to give up something that has had a hold on me for as long as I can remember and without the above “swaps” I wouldn’t have managed it. I’m quite stubborn and I realised one the ways this is a positive is that once I decided “I didn’t do that any more” that was it for me. So I recommend finding something in your personality you can harness to help you whether it’s stubbornness or love of routine or being competitive….until your self image evolves to that of a person who doesn’t follow that behaviour anymore. Use visualisations and affirmations if it helps! In my experience this is how you’ll be successful- before this I literally ate sweets pretty much every day of my life and now I don’t… so give it a try- if I can you can!
(Really hoping I don’t relapse after this!)
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